Subject: Getting to know each other better
Dear Prof Blackstone
Dear Prof Blackstone
Let me formally introduce myself, my name is Lim Meng Wee,currently a year 1 student, studying sustainable infrastructure engineering (Building Services) program in SIT Dover. Formally from Temasek Polytechnic, I graduated with an engineering diploma.
My interest for engineering grew over the 3 year in polytechnic especially during my internship, therefore decided to further my studies in the engineering faculty, specifically in the building and construction industry. These day, my hobbies include cycling, running, and model building. My most persistent hobby would be model building, I have been building model kits for over 10 years, having a wide range of collection varying in different sizes. I started out as I was truly impressed by all the parts coming together and form the end product i wanted, feeling the sense of satisfaction when the model is completed from scratch. This is part of the reason why I am interested in building and construction industry, getting to see the building erected from scratch to serve the occupants.
I feel that my weakness is my verbal communication skill, I tend to be less confrontational. I don’t exactly like to express my opinion unless i really need to, I usually listen to what other has to say. I feel that I need to overcome this and be a more confident speaker.
My strength is that I am open minded. I am open to listening and putting myself in other people's shoes rather than getting my thoughts across. I am usually accepting to opinion from people with whom I disagree, knowing that everyone has their own opinion, therefore there is no right or wrong.
My goal by the end of this module would to learn to be a more confident speaker and learn the proper method to express myself in a friendly/professional way. I believe having a deeper understand in communication will allow me to effectively bring my thought to my intended audience. Thank you so much for your time, looking forward to attend your effective communication lesson.
Warmest regards,
Lim Meng Wee
SIT Student, SIE(BS)Edited: 20 Sep 18
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Meng Wee,
ReplyDeleteGood to have you as a friend and fellow classmate in this course. I enjoyed reading your post as I am a big nerd with model building. Lets cut to the chase, here's my review on your self introduction
I'll give you a score of 7/10 for content. I found your post very entertaining and enjoyable as it reminded me when I was younger. You have very detailed explanation on your interest and how it was form over the years.
For organisation wise, i'll score you a 8/10. Your self introduction essay was well paragraphed, however, you missed out who this essay is written to.
Content wise, i'll score you a 6/10. Your sentence structure could be improved. You could break your sentences more often rather than using comas. Capitalization of words such as "Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services)" isn't needed.
Overall, I'll give you a score of 21 for this essay.
Regards,
Kenneth Sin
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Ming Wee,
ReplyDeleteI have found your introduction very insightful and enjoyed reading it. Below mentioned are some pointers I feel you can improve on.
The content was appropriate and insightful. (8/10)
As for organisation, I felt like you missed out who you are writing this email to. The first paragraph was a little too long for me. I would like to suggest splitting it into two paragraphs it will help readers better. (7/10)
For language used, I felt like you could have structured your words better, like ("understanding other person's point of view", "accepting to opinion from people"). The use of comas were used too often in a sentence as well as the capitalisation of "i". I also felt like the capitalisation of "Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services)" was not necessary. (7/10)
Overall I would give you a 22 out of 30, had fun reading your post!
Best Regards,
Guyvan
Hi Meng Wee,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this informative letter focusing on your childhood hobbies and growth of interest to take up building services program. I enjoyed reading about your hobbies as it reminds me of my childhood.
With only a few areas need to take note of, hope you find them useful.
Content: 7/10
-You explain very detailed about your interest and the reasons for you to join the building services program.
-I agree with you that being an open minded is very important. I am grateful to have you in the letter writing group. You practiced empathic listening and very open in discussion. Thank you!
Organisation: 8/10
-Well organization of the paragraphs, from childhood hobby to the goals you want to achieve.
Language: 7/10
-Include address eg: Dear Prof Blackstone,
-You may want to use full stop to shorter the sentences to increase readability of your letter.
Overall: 22/30
I really appreciate your sharing, let’s work together to achieve our goals for this module.
Regards,
Wendy Sun
Dear Meng Wee,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your post and getting to know a little more about you and how you made your choices to come into this course. I like how you mentioned your hobby and the sense of satisfaction which made you want to pursue it as a career.
I do have some pointers for your letter. Firstly, you did not state who is your letter for (that is why so many of us are reading it). Next, I feel that your strength is not related to communication. As for your reasoning for your strength, you mentioned that you usually accept different opinion. Looking at it from a different angle, it seems like you do not have a firm stand. There is also a case of small “i” in the sentence “I started out as I was truly impressed by all the arts coming together and form the end product i wanted, …”
Other than the above mentioned, I think that your letter is well written with good examples. I look forward to our classes together.
Regards,
Li Yang (sly)
Dear Meng Wee
ReplyDeleteAll the points were covered and written in detail with good explanation of your interests, strengths and weaknesses. However, I felt that your last paragraph could be elaborated. I gave you a score of 7/10 for content.
In terms of organisation, your email is well-organised with different paragraphs.I gave you a score of 8/10 for organisation.
Lastly for the language used, a few grammar mistakes such as tenses were spotted and punctuations such as commas were quite overused especially in your first paragraph. Some of your sentences could be broken down into two separate sentences instead.
Overall, I gave you a score of 22/30. :)
Regards
Hafizah
Dear Meng Wee,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your sharing in this reflective letter. It is generally clear and concise and informative. I especially like the way you expound on your hobbies, making a connection between your interest in building models and doing building engineering.
In terms of language use, there are some problem areas to consider:
1. sentence structure (mainly comma splice errors)
-- Let me formally introduce myself, my name is Lim Meng Wee... >>> (comma splice) ?
-- My interest for engineering grew over the 3 year in polytechnic especially during my internship, therefore decided to further my studies in the engineering faculty, specifically in the building and construction industry. >>> (comma splice)
-- My most persistent hobby would be model building, I have been building model .... >>> ?
-- I feel that my weakness is my verbal communication skill, I tend to be less confrontational. >>> ?
-- I don’t exactly like to express my opinion unless i really need to, I usually listen to what other has to say. >>> ?
-- I am usually accepting to opinion from people with whom I disagree, knowing that everyone has their own opinion, therefore there is no right or wrong. >>>
2. words and phrasing
-- These day, >>> (singular or plural?)
-- persistent hobby >>> ?
-- I was truly impressed by all the parts coming together and form the end product ... >>> (lack of parallel structures)
-- I am usually accepting to opinion... >>> (collocation error)
-- -- I believe having a deeper understand ... >>> ?
Let's work on these.
I look forward to working further with you this term.
Cheers,
Brad